by the way.

if you guys are still hanging around this blog (although I think it's highly unlikely) in hopes that I will somehow post my new blog url here, don't.

It's no use waiting because I won't ever put it up here and if you want to know it you have to ask me yourself but that doesn't mean I will tell you either.

haha, say I'm evil, but the only reason why I shut down this blog (or kind of) is because too many people were reading it. Like alot of unknown people and that gets creepy sometimes.

So long people, and happy searching =)

<3 sho

This is my 200th post.

_____ really makes me want to cry.

huh. what a thing to say on the 200th post.

Sec 2 is harder than i thought, i guess. I thought I could just breeze through sec 2 with a huge smile onmy face, be happy, be happy, smile, etc.

sounds like one of those things they tell you to do when you're ushering parents for some important occasion. even if your court shoes hurt like hell, smile. even if your vest and tie is making you suffocate, smile.

im not insulting psb uniform okay. i'm just giving scenarios.

anyway back to the point. it's not that I can't breeze through sec 2 being positive. I can, but sometimes situations seriously don't call for it.

sometimes i take being happy in front of people as a sign of being insensitive and i tend to confuse being happy to being fake. when i'm really genuinely happy and not fake.

quote niel: if i'm not sad, i'm happy. not as in the =D happy, but i'm just glad i'm not sad.

maybe i should be more thankful and stop doubting myself and such.

okay. i'm thankful i'm not depressed and i'm thankful for the nice people aroundme.

i'm moving to lj. bye to this blog =)

you know.

Chinwei is a really scary person to have arguments/debates with. Because she is a really opinionated person.

Not that I'm not one. It's just that I'm not as fierce and verbal.

Rachel was asking me today how I stay so cheerful and optimistic and calm. And I was like, I am? o_O

I admit that my confidence problem from last year is kind of non-existent already, which is yay for me lah xP whoots.

We have to retake TKMB. I haven't told my dad yet. He's sure gonna be damn pissed.

I'm being super random today. heh.

on another subject.

I wish there weren't any dividing lines between seniors and juniors. Of course basic stuff still apply lah, like how jnrs should respect snrs and how snrs should not ill-treat jnrs, but sometimes I feel a little sad and uneasy if the seniors talk to the jnrs in one way, then turn around and talk to their own batch in a totally different way.

that happened in judo, but I won't say much about it ><

Like isn't it weird if a senior asks a junior out for lunch and vice versa? I mean, isn't it not done? Can do, but it's kinda against social conduct and stuff.

Sometimes I wish jnrs and snrs could just be friends and break down all barriers.

I'm already beginning to think I'm weird for telling my mortal(s) that we must go out one day ><

techinically it's not wrong. It's just not done x/

yo!

mama.

-.-"

now chinwei says we should have ordered a nametag saying "passion-play" instead of "no backward glances" T.T I told her passion-play was just Andrew Lloyd Webber's way of describing copulation, and Chinwei said not really.

heh come to think of it, not really lah.

I tried a push pop today, wondering what was so nice about it since people were eating it all over the place. surprisingly it was nicer than i thought. Shelley said that we were kinda like way past that age, but who cares ^^ eat this thing in the canteen in front of half the school population must have thick skin xD

speaking of the copulation thing i mentioned earlier, today i was on the bus coming back from gb, and i heard a bunch of cjc guys talking, and one of them said: ...had sex with his grandmother. And I was like

O____________________O

Talk so loud for what?!

xP

hello =D

you know I guess that when you're sad and stuff, just a pat on the shoulder and an "it's okay" is sufficient =)

yesterday when the cheerleaders didn't get into top 3 they were crying (or most were) and I had no idea what to say to them because I don't know anyone in the waddle cheerleading team, expect for ame and denise and shijin, and even then I'm not very close to either of them. and i barely know shijin o_O

and I felt really sad, for myself mostly, which is selfish, because I couldn't comfort people.

but as i hugged ame and stuff and told her it was okay i just had this comforting sense and "qi shi" that everything was actually really okay, and that sometimes, people appreciate the little things you do for them.

i sound so ego ><

sometimes the words "it's okay" can sound terribly comforting =) although it sounds really cliche and all, but sometimes i think it's better not to say to much when people are upset.

rs today was a waste of time >< it's super distracting to be in the ks chee and i can never concentrate when mr slatter's talking x/

ohwells. and today i made a nametag that says "no back ward glances". heh, phantom of the opera influence. sharing it with chinwei. she wanted "no use resisting" but i thought it sounded wrong and weird and such and stuff like " the final threshold" or "one final question" sounded very weird ^^ so "no backward glances" it is xD

hmm i might consider switching to lj.

I'm very disappointed with my sister.

I'm sorry I had to say this after weeks of not blogging. but i really am very disappointed with her.

why?

because she is a compulsive liar.

so how?

what happened was this afternoon my mum was going frenziedly mad over a missing box of chocolates in the fridge -.-" yes sounds stupid, and i think it is too, but that's my mum, and she's a petty person. apparently my dad said she was "yelling through the phone" so it was evident she was pretty pissed. so my dad asked the both us of if we touched the chocolate at all. i said no--although i saw it in the fridge before i just left it there. my sister said she had no idea which box of chocolate he was talking about and denied the fact that she ate it since she didn't even know in the first place. fine. my dad believed her

we went home with heavy hearts knowing that we would get hell from our mum when we got back. okay sounds like a drama T.T so the whole interrogation process repeated itself, and at that moment i went to the piano and opened the lid so i could practice, and starting taking the books out of the pile on top of the piano. AND THEN SUDDENLY. alot of ferrero rocher (that was the chocolate) wrappers started flying out as i removed the books. wah biang gave me a fright okay! and my mum happened to be 1 metre away from me looking into the kitchen. her back turned to me of course. so i quickly hid the wrappers, and i had a strong feeling that it was my sister who polished off the whole box.

more interrogation, maid implied that my sister ate the whole box by herself.

mum didn't blow up. surprsingly. i think she gave up.

dad blew up.

i hate liars.

especially when they can lie without batting an eyelid.

especially when they're being scolded and they still have that " I don't give a damn, I 'm good at lying and will continue it" expression on their face.

and especially when they don't feel any sense of guilt when they lie and do it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

sometimes i detest my sister. for her character.

i wish one day someone tramples on her inflating ego so that she will WAKE UP and realise that she is screwed.

what's wrong with her.

goodbye.

hey

you know there are some days when i feel diao and pissed and moody. for no apparent reason.

like today -.-"

grah. i really hate complaining, because not only does it make me miserable, it also makes the people around me sian because they're listening to me whine. so forget it.

anyway. i think i'm becoming dao-er and dao-er. which isn't exactly a good thing, but I do actually like showing off a bit of attitude once in a while >< i find pleasure in opening the busybees classroom door with a qianbian sian expression on my face, walking to my seat, flopping myself onto the chair, burying my head in my hands and sleeping. but i only manage half of that because most of the time the teacher is already in class and i cannot sleep -.-"

somehow or other i have this growing attachment towards gb. maybe because of camp lah, but seriously, it's not so bad anymore. i'm not sure if im attracted because of the company or my squad or the actual worship, but i can safely say now that GB is no longer a waste of time =D devotion is interesting, believe it or not. so is badgework. and worship is refreshing =) and bonding time just rocks xD

as i branch out to make more friends, sometimes i ask myself if i do actually have a few close friends whom i stick to. and i dont know how to answer that question. because people like weiqing and shzehui and so on are in other classes so i dont really get to see them as often as i would like to, so i am "forced" (okay not really because i don't really mind) to make new friends, and in the process i unconciously drift away from them.

maybe deep down inside weiqing is still one of my closest friends, but i wouldn't not be able to survive without her. not meant as an offensive statement of course. but last time i had this mentality that without my good friends i would die.

now my social circle has widened, but i'm not sure if the friendships are true, so most of the time now i stick to "just okay" friends. sometimes you need to learn to trust, and you also need to learn how to hold back your trust. last time, i trusted too much, and got hurt. not that i am superultra careful about making friends, and not that im paranoid either, but i don't let them too near me unless they've proven to me in their own way that they're sincere.

for people like weiqing, it's different. i'm not being biased okay. even though we hardly talk i know i can trust her. that is because of the foundations that we have built up before.

so sometimes dewin is right about saying that he is closer to himself. i think i am too.

this was a really random post ><

<3 sho